GREAT AVIATION QUOTES
Dave Barry


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There are 4 quotes matching Dave Barry in the collection:


And then you will go to hell, which as you frequent fliers know is located in Concourse D of O’Hare International Airport.

Dave Barry

American comedy writer. There is no concourse D at O’Hare. Apocalypse Cow, Talks Back, 1991. Originally ran as a Miami Herald column, but I don't know what date it was published.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has “deregulated” the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. They can conserve fuel by ejecting husky passengers over water. They can ram competing planes in mid-air. These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with amazingly low fares, such as $29. Of course, certain restrictions do apply, the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.

Dave Barry

Iowa’s safe but you’ll be sorry, syndicated newspaper column, June 1986.

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It’s intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as ‘mineral’ and ‘linoleum.’

Dave Barry

Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need, 1991.

An airplane is a heavy thing even before they put the food on it. Funny, isn’t it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

Dave Barry

Quoted in What’s So Funny, Flying Magazine, June 1993. .


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