Surely you can’t be serious? A whole page of my aviation quotation collection just for one silly movie? Well, I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley.
First screened on 27 June 1980, made for about 3.5 million dollers, Airplane! went on to make over $200 million and influence generations of films. It struck a particularly deep note with pilots, and may be the most quoted movie or book by aircrew. (Or is that Top Gun?)
The story, several character names, and much of the 'straight' dialogue is lifted wholesale from the 1957 movie Zero Hour! Starting with the exclaimation point! The writers and directors, Jim Abrahams and brothers David and Jerry Zucker, bought the rights of Zero Hour! for $2,500 to avoid copyright issues. That screenplay was written by Arthur Hailey, Hall Bartlett and John Champion, in turn based on a 1956 teleplay Flight into Danger by Arthur Hailey. Yes that Arthur Hailey. Who wrote the 1968 book Airport that kicked off the 1970's disaster movies parodied by Airplane! Quite the origin story. Oh, one more tidbit, Arthur Hailey was a RAF pilot in the war.
There’s a neat 2023 oral history book, Surely You Can't Be Serious, that covers the inside story of the making of Airplane! It shows us how close Zero Hour! was followed:
Roger Ebert, film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times, wrote, “Airplane! is sophomoric, obvious, predictable, corny, and quite often very funny. And the reason it’s funny is frequently because it’s sophomoric, predictable, corny, etc.” In 2010 Airplane! was added to the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress.
One of these quotes even made the American Film Institute’s list of the top 100 quotations in American cinema. Yes I am serious. So buckle up, and let’s slip the shirley bonds:
Passenger: Nervous?
Striker: Yes.
Passenger: First time?
Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Ted Striker
Played by Robert Hays, in the 1980 movie Airplane! The old lady passenger is in the credits as Hanging Lady, played by Ann Nelson. Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Tower voice: Flight 209'er, you’re cleared for takeoff.
Clarence Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency 123.9'er.
Clarence Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector. Over.
Clarence Oveur: Huh?
ATC voice: Flight 209'er, clear for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Clarence Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Clarence Oveur, Roger Murdock and Victor Basta
Captain Clarence Oveur, played by Peter Graves, FO Roger Murdock, played by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Flight Engineer Victor Basta, played by Frank Ashmore, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Joey: Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock: I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets. …
I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try except during the playoffs.
Joey
Joey Hammon, played by Rossie Harris, and FO Roger Murdock, played by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker. The casting of professional basketball player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as a member of the flight crew was a nod to pro football player Elroy 'Crazylegs' Hirsch's role as a pilot in the 1957 airplane disaster film Zero Hour!
Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Captain: No, I mean, I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Captain: No, no, no. I mean, we can't land for another two hours. Fog has closed down everything this side of the mountains. We've got to get through to Chicago.
Dr. Rumack and Clarence Oveur
Captain Clarence Oveur, played by Peter Graves, and Dr. Rumack, played by Leslie Nielsen, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
Steve McCroskey
Tower supervisor Steve McCroskey, played by Lloyd Bridges, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing. Finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.
Dr. Rumack
Passenger Dr. Rumack, played by Leslie Nielsen, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
In the 1957 movie Zero Hour!, screenplay by Arthur Hailey, Hall Bartlett and John Champion, the line was delivered by Dr. Baird, played by Geoffrey Toone:
“I think you ought to know what our chances are. The life of everybody aboard depends on just one thing. Finding someone back there who not only can fly this plane but who didn't have fish for dinner.”
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encounter. There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Elaine Dickinson
Stewardess Elaine Dickinson, played by Julie Hagerty, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Airport management, the FAA and the airlines, they're all cheats and liars!
Rex Kramer
Captain Rex Kramer, Trans American Airlines, played by Robert Stack, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Stewardess: Excuse me, sir. There’s been a little problem in the cockpit.
Striker: The cockpit! What is it?
Stewardess: It’s the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit. But that’s not important right now.
Randy and Ted Striker
Stewardess Randy, played by Lorna Patterson, and Ted Striker, played by Robert Hays, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Striker: Mayday! Mayday!
McCroskey: Mayday! Mayday? What the hell is that for?
Johnny: Mayday. Why, that's the Russian New Year. We'll have a big parade. We'll serve hot hors d'oeuvres.
Johnny Henshaw-Jacobs
Played by Stephen Stucker, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Johnny's dynamic free-spirited character has a different vibe from the rest of the movie, he breaks the fourth wall with zany energy, and many of the lines were his particular genius. Jerry Zucker wrote in Surely You Can't Be Serious:
“Stucker was the only one who could write for Stucker. Every joke in Airplane! was written into the script over the years. Almost nothing was improvised. But we couldn’t write the kind of outrageous lines we needed for Stephen, so we’d call him and read him the setups, and he’d fire back all these great punch lines. There was no one else like him.”
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Steve McCroskey
Tower supervisor Steve McCroskey, played by Lloyd Bridges, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Striker, you listen, and you listen close. Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle. Just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Rex Kramer
Captain Rex Kramer, Trans American Airlines, played by Robert Stack, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
Steve McCroskey
Tower supervisor Steve McCroskey, played by Lloyd Bridges, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Oh, it's a big, pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window, and wheels, and it looks like a big Tylenol.
Johnny Henshaw-Jacobs
When asked by a press reporter, “What kind of plane is it?” Played by Stephen Stucker, in the 1980 movie Airplane!
Stricker: Surely there must be something you can do.
Rumack: I'm doing everything I can. And stop calling me Shirley.
Ted Stricker and Dr. Rumack
Ted Striker, played by Robert Hays, and Dr. Rumack, played by Leslie Nielsen, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker. This was number 79 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 quotations in American cinema.
I just wanna tell you both, good luck. We're all counting on you.
Dr. Rumack
Dr. Rumack, played by Leslie Nielsen, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Steve McCroskey
Tower supervisor Steve McCroskey, played by Lloyd Bridges, in the 1980 movie Airplane! Written for the screen by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker.
There is one other aviation movie with a quote in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 quotations in American cinema. I feel the need, the need for Top Gun quotes. I also have loads more quotes on the Flying Jokes page, and the airline quotations page. Or you can try a search of the whole site: